Growing up between two countries: what many bicultural children feel (and don’t always know how to express)

Growing up between two countries is a common experience for many bicultural children, yet it is not always easy to explain. Like many bicultural families, I have lived what migration means: starting from scratch, learning a new language, integrating into a society different from the one of our roots, and over time building a home far from the country of origin. Along the way, a shared feeling emerges: you are no longer fully from there, but not entirely from here either.

Today, I experience this reality from another perspective: raising a bicultural child. Watching my son grow up with two languages, two cultures and two ways of seeing the world has led me to ask questions many migrant parents ask themselves:
how do you pass on your mother tongue in a country where another language dominates?
how do you strengthen cultural identity without creating pressure?
how do you help a child feel part of both worlds without forcing them to choose?

When my son Noah was four years old, he told me he didn’t want to speak Spanish anymore because he found it boring. That simple sentence carries many emotions bicultural children feel but don’t always know how to express: confusion, adaptation, the need to belong. It broke my heart, but I understood then that bilingualism in children is not sustained by love or intention alone, it also requires meaningful experiences, repetition and joy.

At school and with his friends, his life flowed in Dutch. Being Peruvian felt more abstract: it lived in the food, in family stories, in video calls. By putting words to what he felt and creating moments where he could truly live his other culture, cooking together, sharing traditions, proudly showing Peru to our friends in Belgium, his relationship with Spanish changed.

Today, Noah expresses himself with more confidence in both languages. His Spanish has improved, but above all, his self-esteem and sense of bicultural belonging have grown.

If this resonates with you, it’s important to say it clearly: migrant parenthood does not come with a manual. Guilt and pressure are common. But raising bilingual and bicultural children is not a burden, it is a richness built day by day.

Personal learnings to support bicultural identity in children

There are no universal formulas. Every family and every child is different. What follows are not absolute rules, but personal learnings that have worked for us:

1. Turn the mother tongue into the emotional language
   Using Spanish to talk about emotions, routines and affection creates an emotional bond with the language, not just with one parent, but within the whole family.
2. Include books and games in the language of origin
   Frequent reading, especially with bilingual or culturally rooted books, normalises the use of both languages and strengthens vocabulary. It’s not enough to have them on the shelf: they need to be used often. Reading together, playing, repeating favourite stories turns the language into a source of fun and connection.
3. Create social contexts where the language makes sense
   Connecting with other bicultural families helps children feel represented and supported. Look for activities and events where your cultural roots are celebrated.
4. Seek professional support when needed
   Specialised guidance in childhood bilingualism can offer practical tools and ease the emotional load for families. In our case, Spanish play sessions with Diluu and the guidance of Rebeca Imberg have been incredibly helpful. Asking for help is not a failure, it’s a conscious way of supporting your child.
5. Show pride in your cultural roots
   When adults live their identity with pride — speaking their language with love, cooking dishes from their country, or sharing stories without shame — children learn that their identity deserves to be celebrated too.

Many bicultural children feel more than they can explain. Supporting them means helping them put words to those feelings and reminding them that growing up between two countries does not mean being divided, but having a wider, richer identity.
Being bicultural is a superpower.

Autor: Andrea Ramos Cornejo